stumbling through german history

From February 13th-17th the other ASSE-CBYXers and I attended our mid-year seminar in Weimar. It was a great time, but I regret not taking out my camera at all during the trip. With everyone taking pictures of everyone else I guess I just had no bock to lug mine around.

We stayed in a lovely hostel at the edge of the city that made me feel incredibly European and exchange student-ey. Our chaperons (I don't really enjoy this word because it makes me feel like a 2nd grader on a field trip instead of a grown up lady-person in Europe but whatevs) consisted of a educator named Wolfgang (who claimed to also be a mayor but I have my doubts), a very intellectual Berliner who wore turtle-necks and knew things, and an American artist who has lived in Germany for quite some time and also knew many things. 

Our days would go something like this:

• 7:00-8:00 stumbled out of bed and woke up the other 2 roommates so we could get to the cafeteria while the brötchen were still warm
• 9:00-12:30 went somewhere really interesting in Weimar and learned things 
• on the 14th we had a not-so-romantic Valentine's Day and visited the Buchenwald Concentration camp, just a couple of bus stops away from the city center. Visiting concentration camps is an incredibly surreal experience. I think it's even more complex to an exchange student because we have both the German and non-German cultural mindset to affect how we see everything. The German education system are brutal in making sure their students understand their history. My English teacher told me that when she was in 5th grade, they would be forced to watch videos the American troops made when they liberated the camps. Although those videos are no longer shown to children, the same sentiment is felt when learning about the Holocaust. Meanwhile, history lessons and textbooks in America are 1984-esque propaganda when compared to those in Germany. We are pretty much taught that Andrew Jackson gently tugged the Native Americans through the Trail of Tears and that racism and prejudice were minor oopsies and will never happen again so we have nothing to worry about. It is a requirement for a German student to visit a concentration camp at least once and I definitely know why. One could always read books and watch movies but it's a different feeling when you're actually there. Even then it's impossible to completely grasp what was going on. We stood in our down jackets and mützen and tried to understand what the cold must have felt like to the prisoners there. I can't say if I really enjoyed it, but the experience was definitely eye-opening and humbling.
• On the 15th we got down with Schiller and Goethe, two very big deals in German culture. Friedrich Schiller was one of those historical guys who did pretty much everything. He wrote William Tell and had a really cute house in the middle of the city. He was also bros with Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, who did even more things and is arguably more well known. Having written Faust, Goethe is the name that comes up when one thinks of German literature. He's the guy cursed by German teenagers in school. We visited his even cuter (and bigger) house and hung out in a museum which featured everything he's done. I found a really cute mechanical pencil that he used and bought a really cool puppet which I later used in a very interesting video. It will be inserted somewhere at the end of this post.
• On the 16th we learned about Bauhaus architecture and found where Ikea got pretty much all of its ideas. The idea of Bauhaus is epitomized in the saying "Form folgt Funktion", or "Form follows function" and highlights the beauty in practicality. The museum, although as minimalist as its exhibitions, was very interesting and I found a chess set that costs about $1000.
• 12:30-2:30 lunch and free time. For me and my friends this time was spent either hanging out in someone's room and sharing our stash of candy and junk food, or napping to regain our energy for later cultural integration.
• 2:30-3:00 coffee and cake time! One of my favorite German traditions.
• 3:00- approx. 5:30 actual sit-down seminar with the adults. We discussed our end-of-the-year seminar in Berlin and a presentation we will have to do, and had talking circles where we discussed our experiences so far. I have to say, speaking German with other Americans is even more unnerving than with Germans. There's a certain unmentioned competitiveness when you notice how much everyone else's speaking has improved while you still have to mentally sing the Preposition Song from German 1.
• 6:30-7:30 dinner! I happened to fall in love with the chicken wing guy but said love was not reciprocated. 
• 7:30-11:00 we pretty much had free time until curfew (12 on the last day). In this time we were welcome to tour Weimar by ourselves and do some of our own "cultural integration". Much of this "cultural integration" was spent in bars or on the streets, looking for bars. We found an Irish Pub not too far from our hostel and enjoyed the chill atmosphere. The Milchbar was my personal favorite. It was a somewhat hip hangout with billiards (at which I suck) and a wonderful beverage called the White Russian. Having nights off with my friends was a great feeling because it's something you really can't have as a teenager in America. Mainstream society in the states doesn't acknowledge the nightlife for anyone under 18 or 21, which is bullshit because it encourages adolescents to be even more rebellious than puberty calls for. It's not just the legally bought beer talking when I say that Germany is definitely raising its teenagers in a more logical fashion.

Although a big chunk of the trip was completed with no sleep and a lot of "cultural integration", I thoroughly enjoyed the city. Weimar is not a big place and one does not need a lot of time to stumble over uneven cobbled streets to get back to their hostel before curfew. I also loved seeing everyone again! My fellow exchange students are some of the greatest people I've met, and I feel so close to them although we've all known each other for less than a year. I really can't imagine how my year would be, had I not befriended the same people. You guys are amazing and I can't wait to see you again in Berlin.

just some stuff

I realized I haven't updated my situation in a while.

So for the first couple of months, I stayed with a Welcome Family in Seevetal, Niedersachsen (Lower Saxony). There are different reasons as to why one stays with a Welcome Family. Some families don't know if they can commit a whole year to hosting so they want to try it out for a couple months, and in my case, the organization just needed a little more time to find me a permanent host family. As much as I loved living with Brigitte, I had no problem with switching because I knew it just meant a new adventure for me.

Ok, packing all my shit was a bit of a nuisance, but I managed to get everything together. I moved in with Family Storbeck on December 5th. We live in the "marshlands", in a part of Hamburg called Bergedorf. If you look on a map, I'm pretty much directly across the river Elbe from where I lived before.

My new family consists of my host parents: Aurelia and Rainer, and my 2 little host sisters: Kaja and Scharija. We also have a lovely cat named Emmi, who enjoys sweets and scratching on the furniture when no one's around. Kaja and Scharija are 12 and 10, respectively. As the youngest child and only girl of my family, suddenly having two younger sisters was definitely different for me.

It's really weird being the older sister and the exchange student simultaneously. At times I feel I have a responsibility with my sisters. I help Kaja with homework and let her vent about school and normal pre-teen problems. I play with Scharija and teach her how to put on makeup. At other times, I need them to explain things to me multiple times and follow them around the house because I have no idea what to do with myself. But I've been here almost 2 months and really feel at home. My family taught me how to build a snowman, brought me to see Rocky: The Musical, and take the time to make sure I understand important concepts such as the proper way to cook Spaghetti Tacos or gently kick a cat when she's filing her claws on the sofa.

I also switched schools, which was a little bit heartbreaking. I loved Gymnasium Hittfeld and my friends there. The school was situated on a hill in the middle of Kuhdorf and one of my favorite things to do in class (besides paying attention and being on task, of course) was looking out the window and seeing miles and miles of trees and little cottage-esque houses.

My new school is Gymnasium Lohbrügge and resembles my high school in California a lot more. The kids in Hamburg are a lot more "street", for lack of a better word. As tradition on the last day of school before Winter Break, a majority of the school crammed themselves into the main hallway and sang Christmas Carols. It was all incredibly wholesome, there were many a drunk and we moshed to Jingle Bells and Gloria. Afterwards there was a small "Parking Lot Party".

List of Other Cool Stuff I Did

• went to Italy with my uncle and his friend, saw the Statue of David (from every angle possible) and almost had a heart attack climbing the Duomo
• stayed in Copenhagen on a 2 hour layover and ate a 15 dollar chicken sandwich
• visited Hannah Montana and acquired several bruises from a round of tractor sledding
• spontaneously met other students from Argentina and Australia at the train station
• watched Pitch Perfect in German and understand things
• joined a 5th grade German class
• THIS

In which I freak out about time and try to express how flabbergasted I am

I am halfway done with the year. I've been here 161 days and have only 161 days left.

Everyone talks about it. "Oh, where has the time gone? It was just yesterday..." I've heard those lines and variations of those lines over a million times in my 16 years. I began to understand what they meant sometime in middle school, when I realized I could still close my eyes and bring myself back to different episodes of my life.

I'm a pack-rat, a gigantic sentimental clusterfuck. I collect anything you could possibly think of: books, bottle caps, magazines, anything. But my most cherished collection is those of my memories, as painfully hipster as it sounds. And as well as the other things I keep, a lot of my memories seem useless or boring when they actually mean the world to look back at.

Walking around my neighborhood in the Philippines, my hands sticky from mangoes and my flip flops scraping against the pavement. My mom pulls me to the shade and warns me that walking in the sun would make me darker. 

When my family and I first arrived in America. The plane ride was a little fuzzy but I remember stepping out into the crisp NorCal night and feeling the real cold for the first time in my life. Eating pizza on my aunt's carpeted floor and relishing how soft the ground was.

Going to 6th grade orientation with my friends. We walk through the gym full of screaming 8th graders with pom poms and find ourselves a spot in the middle. Trying to ignore how nervous we were, we discuss our haircuts and new clothes and where we should sit during lunch. 

It's almost painful looking back because I never realized how quickly my life was passing by. And today I realized it's still moving quickly, perhaps at a faster pace.

To think that the time between now and the moment we arrived in Frankfurt is equal to when we have to back home is completely heartbreaking. As much as I miss my friends and family in San Jose, I love it here. I've done so much in these past 161 days. I've gotten lost and didn't care because Hamburg is beautiful to a wanderer. I've made new friends from all over the world. I've made up with friends from back home. I ate a subway station panini in front of the Colosseum and drank wine in Florence. How much could 161 days possibly do to a person? Everything.

To my fellow exchange students, you're the only ones who could possibly understand how I feel. I'm so proud of how much I've done and grown. I've fallen in love with Germany and could see myself wandering around here forever. But I'm so scared of what the future holds. And it feels like it's coming and going right before my eyes and all I could do is sit back and appreciate everything while I still can. We've been through so much and we still have a ways to go. So sit back and hold on tight, kids.

Halfway points are such great places to stop and look back at how far you've come. But don't forget to get on your tip-toes and see how much you've still got to go. 

went to see skyfall with a couple friends today

In German cinemas there are assigned seats and intermissions and you can buy beer at the concession stand. Also the one I went to today has a giant tubular slide going through 3 floors. That is all.

Hannah Montana, Evolution, and the Pointlessness of Beauty

Disclaimer: This has nothing to do with Germany or being a foreigner, but if you read this anyway, congrats! You win a free iPod Nano!

I had a really deep conversation with my friend and fellow exchange student the other day. Maybe it was just the delicious glass(es) of Weißbier that made it sound so, but we pretty much found the meaning of life. Of course our findings were lost as our voices gradually stopped slurring and we could walk in a straight line, but little fragments just stuck to my brain like annoying pieces of last night's steak between your back teeth.

So this recap is probably not 100% accurate, but I will try my best to hit the important points and just fill in the rest. Think of it as the computer generated battles on Deadliest Warrior minus the fake doctor and BS calculations.

It began when my friend, whom for the time being I will dub Hannah Montana, asked me if I knew the meaning of life. This was a question I haven't mulled over in a while so I really didn't know how to answer.

"That's a complicated answer," I said, sipping my drink, "because there are actually 2 separate meanings of life for us humans."

"Oh?" Hannah Montana asked.

"You see, as animals our meaning of life is basically to survive and reproduce. That's what evolution is based on. Everything about us and other organisms is based on our need to live and carry on our species."

"Yeah, I took Biology," the popstar was dissatisfied with my answer. I could tell she wanted something more than a lecture on evolution. Charles Darwin pretty much figured that out for us. "We don't need to do anything but eat, sleep, and copulate. But we're humans. Why do we find the need to fall in love or paint pictures or put on makeup? What's the point of it all?"

I smiled because she pretty much answered her own question. I was trying to find the words to explain it but she had already done so.

"Exactly, Hannah Montana. That's exactly the point. We as humans are the only animals who can appreciate beauty. All art, literature, and music are homage to the unique ability given to us by nature.

Beavers don't make dams to show off their artistic talent, they make dams because they need them for shelter. Songbirds don't sing because it sounds pretty, they use it as communication and to find mates."

Hannah Montana nodded slowly in agreement as she downed the last of her second or third Weißbier. We sat in silence and pondered this for a few moments. The bar was empty, as it normally is on Sunday nights. No one spoke. The bartender, Hannah Montana, and I listened quietly to the sounds of the Top 40.

"So all art is pointless." The singer finally broke the silence, lifting her new glass and offering a toast. "Does that mean everything we do besides eating and having babies is pointless? Money is pointless? The government? Jesus?"

I shrugged and clinked my glass with hers. "Pretty much. But pointlessness isn't necessarily a bad thing. The way I see it, we're lucky to appreciate beauty."

"But how did we get here? How did we get from being naked and climbing trees to Van Gogh and Jersey Shore?"

"Well, what set us apart as humans was being able to manipulate tools and our environment to our advantage. With that, man's mind began to grow exponentially. When he got to a certain point, man kinda looked around and asked himself the same question we're discussing."

Twirling her blonde wig, Hannah Montana thought about this for a moment and nodded. "Yeah, and that's when he decided that he was put there by god. And then it just took from there."

"The end."

She shook her head, still dissatisfied. "But the first semester of World History has nothing to do with my question. Do we just make stuff up about destiny and the meaning of life because we can? Are we really running around in the dark, pretending that we have a purpose when all we were really meant to do was to survive make more of ourselves? What is our purpose as humans, with free thought and aesthetics and stuff like that?"

Again I shrugged. "In my opinion, we owe it to nature and the miraculous genetic mutation that kicked off the growing of our minds to appreciate our human abilities and use them to their full extent. It could have easily been cows that received the ability to manipulate, and we'd be all running around getting put into human burgers."

"So art and beauty are pointless, and our meaning of life is to appreciate them because we are lucky to be able to."

"Pretty much, Hannah Montana. Now let's pay the bill and get home."

being sad and stuff

I was actually in the middle of typing "An Introduction to Dina Juan, about 83 days late" when suddenly I just felt sad. I'm not upset about anything in particular. In fact, I had a really nice day today. I helped my host mother rake leaves, learned how our compost is made into fertilizer, and ate ice cream in a church that's older than the USA. It was unusually sunny despite the chilly weather and I felt really nice after a day of activity.

But I just feel sad.

I guess a lot of things have been building up. My high school had homecoming week a while back and it made me really miss everything in San Jose. Juniors did an amazing job with airband and my friends looked amazing all dolled up for the dance. I saw my grandpa for a couple seconds on Skype and could pretty much smell his familiar scent of Marlboro and manufactured airplane parts. I found myself comparing everything to California, which made me susceptible to cravings: the mild San Jose climate, my entire family sleeping in to about 1 PM,  pupusas, and singing spontaneous duets with my brother when we have nothing else to do.

They told us to expect homesickness and that crying would help us feel better, but I can't even bring myself up to that. I feel the tension you usually get in your chest when you're about to burst into to tears but I can't burst for some reason. I guess writing this and spitting out some thoughts made me feel better, with some help from my host mom's homemade apple sauce. But I'm still waiting for that huge, refreshing exchange student cry.

In which I don't really do anything or have anything to say but say stuff anyway

So I woke up today with a massive headache and decided to take a day off from school. It was nice to be able to sleep in - I normally wake up at 6:03 (an extra 3 minutes courtesy of the Snooze button) and have to rush to catch the 7:00 bus. I didn't really do much today except watch movies and drink tea, but I feel a lot better now. The weather was also unusually nice today, I went out for a short walk and was able to enjoy the scarce German sunshine. I'm looking out the window now and see a merciless-looking band of clouds but hopefully they enjoy the fluidity of traveling in Europe and bug France or the Netherlands or Bayern or something.

Currently my class is doing Praktikum - two weeks of work experience and no school - and I'm staying in school with the 9th grade. The past week has been very interesting and homework-less, and I've met some pretty cool people. When I ignore the fact that pretty much everyone is 2 years younger than I am and yet I still manage to be one of the shortest in the class, I've been enjoying my temporary situation.

It's definitely a different story with the 9th grade here than it is back in the US. There's none of that freshman/sophomore/junior/senior stuff because Gymnasium starts at the 5th grade, so the 9th graders don't seem as immature or different compared to the others. They're a little smaller than the 10th graders and still have traces of baby face, but since they've been going to the same school for 4 years there's not much of that awkward tension that comes with age-difference. Or maybe I just bend in at a whopping 1.58 meters. 

I don't really have a life-changing philosophical conclusion today, I just felt like updating whoever has the time/lust to read up on whatever it is I'm doing.

Also yes, I realized I used lust in that sentence. That was meant to represent how shit my English has gotten in the past few weeks. Keep in mind that I'm also currently taking Spanish in school, which means my poor little foreign brain has to take on 2 foreign languages. Pero no problemo, ich kann alles! At dito pa yung Tagalog ko. Maybe by the time I'm 20 I can learn Latin and befriend the Pope.